Goodbyes are Hard

I've realized I do have to say goodbye these last few days and I've realized how incredibly hard it is and how much I wish I could avoid it. But I can't. I had my last Sunday at Garnerville yesterday and I shared this with the congregation:

It’s hard to know where to begin with all the things I want to say to you and about my year in Belfast. But I think I’ll start off with a story I haven’t told many people.

I’ve wanted to be a YAV in Belfast  since I was 18, I know some of you probably think that makes me crazy. However, back at the Placement Event I was unsure if Belfast would be the best place for me. I didn’t know if I could do the things that the site was asking of me and didn’t know if what I wanted lined up with what God wanted for me.

When given free time to discern about what place we felt called too, I spent time walking the labyrinth thinking about where I truly felt I needed to go . As I got to the end of the labyrinth I became overwhelmed with the feeling of love. Love that was waiting for me in Belfast from people who I had yet to meet and love that I was waiting to give to people in Belfast. I realized that what I wanted and what God wanted were the same thing. And the rest is history. I came to Belfast.

Being here has taught me more than I could ever truly convey. I cannot express how blessed I feel to have been placed here at Garnerville. I have never felt so welcome as I do here in this church. Garnerville has taught me so much about hospitality and making people feel welcome and I want to take these things back home with me.

It’s funny people would ask me frequently if I was homesick. Of course I missed people back home but I’ve never been overwhelming homesick this year. And I know it has to do with all of you here. How could I have felt homesick when I’ve felt truly at home this year. I may have left family behind at home, however, I have gained quite a big family this year. 

I have gained sisters, brothers, grandparents, mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, and cousins. I have definitely gained a Belfast family that I will always carry with me. 

Everything I wanted to gain from this year I have and more. I have had my faith tested and strengthened and have been so inspired by a congregation that has such a strong faith. I have really enjoyed being involved in all aspects of Garnerville and have felt spirituality nourished during my time here. 

Coming here I was unsure if I was really capable of of working with youth, helping in worship, essentially leading any kind of activity etc. I leave now with the utmost confidence I can do all that and more. 

I wanted to be pushed out of my comfort zone this year and I have been, sometimes when I didn’t want to be but it has all been an incredibly positive experience. Garnerville may have pushed me out of my comfort zone but always helped guide and teach me along the way so I was never alone. 

I have cherished every moment here high or low. However, I will admit I’ve had far more highs this year than I have had lows. My thoughts about this year remain the same as when I wrote this in my journal in September. 

I don't want this year to fly by. I want to make sure I savor every last drop. This truly is an incredible opportunity that just makes my heart want to burst because it is so good. Sometimes I feel like I need to be pinched every minute to remind myself I'm living and not dreaming.

At orientation we were told if we open our hearts God will rush in. And that’s exactly how I feel now. I came to Belfast with an open heart and have felt God’s presence rush in through meeting everyone here at Garnerville. 

I want to thank everyone for all that you’ve done for me. The meals, lifts, presents, conversations, advice, patience, answers, hugs, and above all the love I have received this year. 

I can never repay you for this incredible experience you have given me. But I will always remember this year and everyone here and the impact you have made in my life. 

I don’t want to say goodbye because I don’t believe this will be the last time I’ll be here ...so I’ll just say this is goodbye for now. 

I think this song describes a lot of how I feel right now. The beginning is sad and obviously shows how sad I am to be leaving and saying goodbye but the middle becomes happier and reminds me how blessed I am to have had such a great year. The end to me is like how I hope to feel down the road and be able to look back with happiness at this amazing year in my life.